Born Again!

I am made new! I have been set free! My savior has come and rescued me! I look back at my life and see all the pain that I have gone through and how thankful I am to have gone through the pain. Well, I mean, I could have done without the pain...but I am thankful for the experiences and growth that the pain gave me. Throughout my life I have had many periods of depression, of anger, of stuffing my emotions, of hiding behind food (and drink) as a comfort, of controlling my body so that no one would know the pain I was experiencing on the inside, anxiety disorders, fod intolerances, etc... Funny thing is though, most the time I was unaware of the deeper roots behind these issues. I totally thought they were just part of who I was and the way I would always live. Well, thank goodness that my Daddy (the one who knows me from the inside out... knows the hairs on my head... knows my every thought, every feeling... and more!) saw me and the way I was living and revealed that the actions and emotions I was experiencing were all based on lies! He revealed that there is freedom and that his love is greater than all the lies I was believing! He showed me the lies, the branches, and the roots of the feelings I was experiencing and he showed me that he loves me so much that he showers his forgiveness, his mercy, his grace, his healing, his power, and his love over my life! In his perfect love he drives out all fear!

He showed me that no matter what my past looks like, no matter what I did/do, no matter the lies I lived under, He loves me with an everlasting and relentless love. He never left me and He never will. He calls me beautiful and He showers his freedom over my life. He breaks every chain, he looses every bondage, and he allows me to be made new. "Whom the Son sets free is free indeed!"

It is so easy to know the truth... that we are free by the blood of the lamb.... but it can be hard sometimes to truly accept the truth and LIVE IT! In accepting the truth of God's love and freedom we are called to live a new life grounded in Him. He is our rock and we can do nothing without Him. He is our strength and our salvation. In him we place our trust. TRUST... now that is a bigger word than I thought. It is definitely something the Lord is calling me to and I am learning to do...one baby step at a time. He has created me with purpose and intention for his kingdom and He longs for me to live in that truth. I say I do, I say I will; but so often I catch myself falling back into believing old lies that play over my head saying things that do not align with God's Word in my life. Therefore, part of TRUST is listening to God's Word for me and living it out. Obey His voice and calling in my life and do not fear being vulnerable and weak! He loves us in our weakness! He rejoices in our tears! He just asks us to turn to him in our weakness rather than to food, movies, people, etc (our past). He guides me, He leads me and He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I do not have to worry about keeping up an image in His name for He is my image! I am simply His vessel, created to reflect his beauty! I can trust him in providing me with finances, with food/ drink (for he is the bread of life and living water), with brothers and sisters, with guidance and open doors to where he leads me. He is my rock and salvation and his plans for me are greater than any plans I could ever create for myself (no matter how extravagant they are!)

So I let go of myself... I let go of all my desires, needs, and wants... I let go of the need of validation and acceptance from the people around me.... I let go of the need to be known and loved by all.... ALL I NEED IS JESUS. I LONG FOR MY FATHER'S LOVE. HIS LOVE, HIS VALIDATION IS ALL I NEED. In Him I can do no wrong as I seek after Him. My will is His, my heart is His, my mind is His, my body is His. I die to myself so that I may live in Him.

Recently, a good friend of mine has come to a stage of life where she is rejecting me...and boy! does it hurt! However, I know- as I turn to my Savior- that He is in control and I do not need to fear! That He has created me and that I am free! That I am His light and His love and there is no one, there is nothing, in heaven or on earth that can separate me from His love! He is my Papa and He rejoices in me! He heals me! He touches the deepest depths of my heart and awakens me in his sweet love. He calls me out of the wilderness and leads me besides His still waters. He sets captives free through me. He gives me joy, He makes me wail/weep/ mourn for His people! He longs to see the lost turn to Him! He is bringing restoration and rebuilding His kingdom on this earth!

He is faithful and always there for me. He reveals memories from my childhood, my middle school, my high school years and shows me that he was always there! Praise the Lord! He gets into the cracks and creases of my heart and lets His love seep in! What a wonderful Savior!

Why not trust him? I mean... He sacrificed his Son, He sacrificed His life so that I could live... Shouldn't that be enough of a reason to sacrifice all I am to Him?